WARNING: The following story contains references and links to, images of, and a strong appreciation for, “adult” devices usually reserved for bedside drawers or the Teams backgrounds of people about to have their worst day at work.
Sometimes, on a regular weekday, you might get an email from Devolver Digital PR that kindly asks for express consent to receive an actual email revealing news about one of the many fantastic games in its diverse stable. And sometimes, after reading all warnings and still agreeing to said follow-up, you then receive an email full of photos of a monster cock dildo.
I’m not saying this is a regular or expected occurrence, but it can happen. And it has.
That’s because the folks at Deconstructeam, responsible for some cerebral bangers like The Red Strings Club, Gods Will Be Watching and last year’s The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood, are about to trade the metaphysical for the meatphysical in a very special Valentine’s Day promotion. The studio has shacked up with artisan sex toy company Uberrime to launch a real-life, functional silicone dildo inspired by the godlike girth of Abramar, the forbidden behemoth.
You’ll be able to see the piece itself, if you feel ready, by clicking the button below to reveal all.
And just for context, and before you go clicking on that drop-down without a full appreciation for what you’re about to see, here’s a reminder of who Abramar is (the big guy):
<3 CLICK/TAP HERE TO SEE THE MONSTER PENIS
It’s actually not all that bad, I think. Tame, even. Or I’m telling on myself here.
Best of all, three lucky Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood fans will have the chance to win one and, quoting the PR folks here, “Wield the awesome power of Abramar in the bedroom” by crafting their own card in The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood game itself, working with the theme of “DESIRE.” The prize packs also include a neat DIY tarot card kit to craft your own fate-divining decks. To enter, you’ll need to own the game on PC or Switch, and then go ahead and do the below:
1. Follow @Deconstructeam on Twitter
2. Like and retweet the contest tweet
3. Create a single, beautiful card, under the theme “DESIRE” in The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood, post your card using hashtag #AbramarMyBeloved and tagging @Deconstructeam to share your results
4. Ensure you understand and comply with the rules/T&Cs
If you’re still with me here, and I hope you are, you can visit daddyabramar.com (that’s Daddy Abramar Dot Com) for more info about how to enter for your chance to win, read the contest rules and terms, and to see even more photos of this handcrafted cosmic hog.
We scored The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood a very respectable 8.5/10 in our review last year, saying, “In a market with so many deck-building games, leave it to Deconstructeam to turn the paradigm upright and create a card-builder, a brilliant outlet for player expression. The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood is a stimulating crash course in coven politics of all kinds: identity, community, and straight up politics-politics.” So even if you don’t win yourself the opportunity to see (literal) stars, we reckon there are plenty of other reasons to pick this one up.
